Alright, I’m back and more insufferable than ever. For the unenlightened among you, there exists a subreddit known as Wallstreetbets composed of 9 million people discussing stocks and other things that caused Bernie’s heart attack. Usually, a group of nerds discussing niche topics would be business as usual for the internet, however, this particular group decided to band together to overthrow the entire stock market. How exactly did they plan to achieve this? Allow me to explain using my superior intellect from taking econ last semester. A group of hedge funds borrowed Gamestop stock and sold it under the assumption that the stock price would go down, allowing them to repay the borrowed stock at a lower price and making a profit. However, if a group of internet madlads decided to purchase stock and hold, it would cause the stock to skyrocket in value and make all of them a profit at the hedge funds’ expense. However, much like eating the lemon snow, it is a high-risk/high reward scenario. If too many people bail too early, the price collapses and the Redditors lose their money. However, in a level of suicidal commitment similar to the string band on the Titanic, they held. In a shocking turn of events, this actually worked and hedge funds lost a few billion dollars into the pockets of internet memers. Now you might be asking, why did I put off writing this until now? Didn’t this whole thing end like a week ago? Shut up. I don’t need that kind of disrespect. I sit here, writing you a nice little article about some wacky events and you’re just whining that it wasn’t soon enough? You know what, write your own article. The end.
