A new world record was set last week, here in the quaint town of Deerfield. The longest hide-and-go-seek game on record was finished when Samantha Keebler found Waldo Scottsdale after a long and arduous search.
Samantha Keebler, along with Waldo and several other peers, began playing this casual pastime on a warm August afternoon in 1994. Witnesses report that as soon as Samantha had begun to count, Scottsdale ran off into the woods in order to find a hiding place. Recounts one Sam Carnell, a fellow hider in the now-famous game: “Waldo had always been much more competitive than the rest of us when it came to hide-and-go-seek. Supposedly, at the age of five, he hid in the washing machine for half a day in an attempt to elude his baby-sitter. And I heard he stays up into the wee hours of the night planning hiding strategies.”
Samantha found all the other kids approximately eight minutes subsequent to her countdown. However, Scottsdale was nowhere to be seen. Samantha and the rest of the group searched the surrounding forest and rural area for two hours. When they finally got bored, the children went home.
Jeremy had specified prior to this game that “helicopters and heat-seeking technology ruined the integrity of the sport”, so no searches of any kind were organized. 5405 days, 5 hours, and 44 minutes later, Samantha, 29, now an efficiency consultant at a small advertising firm in Manhattan, was home on a visit for the summer. She trekked down to the base of a nearby bridge for her daily worship to the sun god, and as she walked underneath the bridge, a nauseating stench overwhelmed her. The offensive odor, in fact, was the remains of the most dedicated hide-and-go-seeker ever to play the game.
“Waldo’s spine was misshapen from extensive time in the squatting position, and he had clearly not moved from his hiding spot at any point” Dr. Michael T. Cummins announced in a press conference held yesterday, “and he appeared to have survived under the bridge for several weeks eating only dirt and discarded cans of diet Rite. And who can survive on that kind of diet?” Deerfield is commemorating Waldo’s historic achievement by hiding his burial site somewhere in the town, and then rewarding a $5 coupon to McDonalds to whoever can find it first.
